Where I've Been

It's been a month. I know. This month has been filled with busy-ness, happiness and visits from friends and family. I would love to say that has what has kept me from writing, but it's not. A cloud has been looming. Despite more company and joy than this house has seen in a long time, it's been there. Always in the background, many times in the fore. A friend of ours from ATL lost her son to a brain tumor last weekend.(I hate that phrase...lost him..we know exactly where he is) He was diagnosed right at a year ago and the prognosis was never good, however, he did well and was beating the odds until.......well, about a month ago. Jackson was seven. Faith's age....birthday's only weeks apart, actually. It has been beyond horrific for his family and those that love them. Of course, it's a parent's worst nightmare. This was my post on facebook Saturday when I found out he was gone. I know that God always answers prayers; I realize that sometimes the answer is "no". My head and faith tell me differently, but today my heart says "Then why bother"
RIP Jackson G. (forever 7)
Here is the answer I have come up with:
Because God tells us to. Sometimes (at times like these) it's nothing more than being obedient. We want our children to trust us and our judgement enough to obey even when they don't understand. They don't always obey wholeheartedly and joyfully. Sometimes it's enough to just obey...at least that's what I'm hoping (praying) for.
It's all I can come up with. It's all I have for myself and my friends, many of whom are asking the same questions this week. It's the reason I drug myself from the bed on Sunday morning and forced myself to church even though I "wasn't feeling it". I wish I could say that angels spoke to me from the alter, or even that the Bishop had some comforting words that hit at the heart of my questions. But they didn't. I'm left still waiting. I did hear a song by Jeremy Camp this afternoon that helped. The title is "There Will Be a Day". It's a song I included in my Mother's slideshow for her funeral less than a year ago. It helped then. It's helping a bit now. Ironically enough, it's a song that Jeremy Camp wrote for his first wife when she was dying of cancer. Cancer. The same thing that took my Mom and Jackson. It hit me today that it wasn't just talking about the physical pain of their illness. Before when I listened to it, that was what I took away. Today I realized it's talking about all of our pain, all of our fears and all of our tears. The pain, fear, and tears that we (the healthy ones) are all left with in the wake of their passing. Jackson and Mom are healed. Of that I'm certain. One day it will all make sense to us. Of that I am hopeful. In the meantime, we will grieve for them both...most especially Sherry, Pat, Sean and Daddy, Melissa and me too. To not grieve, and grieve deeply, diminishes the impact that J and Mom had on us and on the world. It's okay to do both. To grieve and to be hopeful.....at least that's what I'm praying for......
Below is the Youtube video of this great song: